Alexander Knox – A Tribute

Batmania has been running wild this past few months or so. Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises has been a massive hit as most expected it to be, grossing almost a sqillion dollars in Norwich alone. With all  hype surrounding the DKR, its easy to forgot the movie that re-invented the caped crusader on the big screen. The film that took him from wearing grey pyjamas and pissing about with inflatable sharks to the Dark Knight you see in the big budget motion pictures in 2012 was Tim Burton’s 1989 monster that was Batman. You only need to look at the cast list. Jack Nicholson, Michael Keaton, Kim Basinger, Moxy from Auf Weidensein Pet. It would have took effort for this to be anything other than thrilling for an audience used to seeing Burt Ward’s tadger sticking through his Peter Pan knickers. Of all the characters in the film, though, it was the work of Alexander Knox which has kept me buying this movie at the full price on several different formats.

Not a Stiff

Played by former stand up comedian Robert Wuhl, Knox was part comic relief and part saviour for the scene he was in. When they needed someone to leave Commission Gordon open for the unveiling of the Bat Signal or just say that famous “King of the Wicker People” show stealing line, you could count on Knox to provide the screen presence. To the best of my knowledge Knox never actually appeared in the regular DC series (he would turn up in the graphic novel based on the film). In fact, I’ve no idea where he came from. He is a reporter for the Gotham Globe, who’s passionate about his job, even though its obvious everyone from the police who blow him off with “no comment” replies to his fellow employees find him to be a complete clown. We see him at the beginning of the film, and he seems to be having fun with this whole “is there a 6 foot bat in Gotham City” story he’s been asked to report on. The lads at the Globe take the piss a bit. Cassandra’s Dad from Only Fools and Horses was into the joke so much, he drew up a caricature of a Bat dressed as one of the Rat Pack, only for quick Alex to call him a “dick” after he didn’t register it as an insult.

Batman creator Bob Kane’s artwork on display during the “What a Dick” scene

Up until this point, its arguable that this was Wuhl’s movie. You saw bits and pieces of Jack Napier and very little of Batman. You would have been forgiven to think Kim Basinger’s Vicki Vale character was in the film as reporter Knox’s love interest and not his partner in the case to find the giant Bat. Maybe she would have been, had it not been for Alexander coming across as very desperate. He works fast, you can’t deny that. In about 30 seconds he finds out she likes Bats, asks her to marry him and gets to accompany her to the big Bruce Wayne ball at Stately Wayne Manor. Although her body language is telling him he better keep his hands to himself and don’t do anything other than crack “Bruce Vain” level jokes.

BIG BROTHER: Knox and Vicki share a joke in Wayne Manor, as Batman films the action.

This is sort of the end of the Alexander Knox heavy portion of the film. He pops up every now and again, but his dialog is limited to the odd wisecrack. He’s there when the Joker jabs the pen through the gangsters throat. He asks Vale out again, but she’s obvious sick to death of him harassing her. Especially at work. A mini-outburst about Bruce being a “stiff” is met with nothing more than Vale laughing at him, thinking he’s joking. Nothing worse than the tears of a clown, who nobody takes seriously. But, his heart is in the right place. Vicki calls Knox to tell him to cue up some history on her unwanted fuck buddy Bruce Wayne. Knox gets serious for the first time in the movie as he begins to understand why Bruce Wayne is the “stiff” he accused him of.

READ ALL ABOUT IT: Knox and Vale find out the truth about Bruce’s past

Some stuff happens involving Batman and Joker following this research at the Gotham Globe. Joker wants to murder everyone in the city by gassing them using giant balloons, which is a bit of a pickle. Knox saw the headline a mile away. “Gotham’s Greed”. That headline wouldn’t have made it to the front page if the Joker had his way. Knox and Vale were observing the action as it was taking place and spotted the Smile X gas coming from the big clown balloons. Up next was the show stopper.

Knox Your Fucking Head Off: Alex lets the Joker’s goons have it.

In the script, Alexander Knox was supposed to die at the hands of the Joker. But director Tim Burton grew to like the character so much, he decided to keep him around for a sequel (which he never appeared in) or even a rumoured spin off with Sharon Stone as his love interest. In fact he was into the character so much, he let him smack a few of the Jokers villains around late on in the movie. Baseball bat in, and a dust mask over his face, he didn’t half get stuck into the bad guys. This could have been a totally different film if Vicki Vale hadn’t ran him over with her car and knocked him clean out. Maybe Batman wouldn’t have been needed at the end. Probably wouldn’t have sold as many papers, though, so Knox wasn’t beating himself up over it.

ABOVE: Finally getting his reward for his hand in good triumphing over evil

As the film came to a close, we see him in one last seen. Vickie appreciates all her partner has done for her over the course of the last 2 hours, and plants a big kiss on his wise cracking lips. No idea what he had in mind as a follow up, had it not been for his colleague calling him over to tell him he was needed at the opening of the Bat Signal. And needed he most certainly was. Knox again setting up Commissioner Gordon for the final line in the movie.

Robert Wuhl was great in this. Opinion is divided on the internet whether he was the best performer in the film or if he was a giant waste of time. There’s no argument with me. Its hard to shine with such stars desperate for screen time. One thing that angers me is the lack of merchandise featuring the character. This flick was in the Guinness Book of World Records for a long while as the most heavily merchandised movie in cinema history, and they couldn’t put a Alexander Knox figure on the shelf? Bob the Goon even had one and he said about three things. If you are a completest, you can check out these items. Could have been so much more, though. A missed opportunity.

-Ian

Hard Times. Good Memories.

I love the Big Boss Man. He’s one of my favourite wrestlers ever. His match with Hulk Hogan was my version of Austin vs Rock when I was a young lad. He was a police man, so that’s always cool when you’re 6. He was huge (a good 400 pounds on his arrival), he could move as fast as anyone, and he’d always get reactions out of my Dad saying “his punches look like he’s really belting him”. He arrived in the WWF as the bully boy heel. A rough policeman who would handcuff his opponents to the ropes, mace them in the eyes and then smack them about with his night stick. He was managed by Slick and was pals with a Akeem, to form the Twin Towers. Boss Man was thrust into the main event scene straight away, when he attacked Hulk Hogan on an edition of the Brother Love Show. Known for being one of the safest workers in the business, BBM and the former One Man Gang wrestled the Mega Powers all over the country. Fans were throwing babies at the Boss Man and Akeem at the Survivor Series, when they were both eliminated and decided to take their frustrations out on Hogan. Boss Man cuffed Hogan to the ropes and beat him senseless. Boss Man and Akeem got the upper hand on Hogan yet again in a first ever PPV Royal Rumble. They dumped Hogan out, clean as a whistle. In a bitch move, Hogan eliminated Boss Man, even though Hogan wasn’t in the match. Which still remains an injustice the WWE hasn’t cleared up yet.

ABOVE: You always knew the Boss Man was going to have a good night when he had his silver wrist band on.

What followed was a WWF title match between the Big Boss Man and Hulk Hogan on a highly watched Saturday Night’s Main Event. Still Hogan’s greatest ever match, it had a massive bump from the Boss Man from the top of the cage. Considering the ring was an NBC ring, where they didn’t want it to move so people didn’t think it was fake, it must have fucking killed. Boss Man lost, but it might have been his finest hour. Not long after this blinder, he turned babyface. In an angle on WWF Superstars, Boss Man was hired by Ted DiBiase to take back the Million Dollar Belt that Jake Roberts stole from Ted. Which was fair enough really. He was a copper, and someone had stole something. It was when the talk of money came up that the Big Man got angry “WHAT’S THIS ABOUT A PAYCHEQUE?!!!~” he yelled. That did it for the Boss Man. Off with the belt he went and gave it to Roberts. He was now a good guy and made it clear to anyone that If they ever on the off chance took a trip down to Cobb County, Georgia, it was advised that they had better read the signs and for fucks sake respect the law and order. He feuded with DiBiase in a lovely bit of WWF ham. DiBiase went to Boss Man’s home town and paid people to say things like “he beat me and my children” to drag Boss Man’s name through the mud. Once he got done with that, on request of Hulk Hogan (after they dumped Tugboat out of the main event positions), the Boss Man became the new member of Team Hogan. He was in Hulk Hogan’s corner at SummerSlam 90 (pulling double duty after refereeing a match between Roberts and Bad News Brown). In a promo I still remember to this day, without looking on youtube, Boss Man said:

“Let me you tell something Earthquake, Jimmy Hart, Dino Bravo … this is Philadelphia. Where many of the rights of our people were first formulated. But the only rights you are entitled to are the rights to be beaten into silence. The rights to have people present during that beating. And the right to a fair and impartial trial with Judge Hogan presiding”

Boss Man was the best match not involving Randy Savage at WrestleMania VII as well. In a result they got hugely wrong, Boss Man failed in his attempts to win the WWF IC title. But ended the night happy as Andre The Giant palled up with him, giving him a giant sized on screen endorsement. Next up for the man from Cobb Country was The Mountie. In probably his best feud of the early 90s, they battled it out who was “the only law and order of the World Wrestling Federation”. They had a Jail House match, which is still played on WWE On Demand as much as the Hell In A Cell from 98. Boss Man won, dragging the poor Mountie off into the NYPD jail and judging by the end angle as SummerSlam went off air, recieved a severe bumming by his cell mates. Boss Man didn’t do much until his feud with Nailz. Nailz turned up and gave Boss Man a kicking like no other.

Black and Blue – Nailz had less success when he met Boss Man in a pole match

Might not look much now, but as a 7 year old seeing the poor Boss Man given a massive hammering by jail scum was like sucking off Ernie Hudson in front of your Mam and Dad. Which was even more surprising, when one-on-one Boss Man pissed through Nailz with ease. I was watching Survivor Series 92 thinking we were going to see Mike Tyson’s harder and whiter brother, but Boss Man arsed it with no bother what so ever. That was the last of the Boss Man. He wrestled Bam Bam Bigelow at Royal Rumble 93 and did a clean job. They might as well have stuck his pink slip on his forehead as he wrestled, because it seemed like a noticeable jobbing out even without the benefit of the internet or dirtsheets.

THE BOSS (as he was now known) debuted in WCW in a match with Rick Rude. Boss Man vs Rude was meant to happen 3 years prior, but Rude left. Never missing a trick on the nostalgia front, this match happened on free TV as soon as Boss Man turned up. The Boss Man even started wearing a lovely black version of his former outfit and had blinders with fellow big man Big Van Vader. Poor Ray Traylor couldn’t eat his Sugar Puffs on a morning without slipping over cease and desist letters from the WWF when he turned up as the same character. A change was made. He became The Guardian Angel, but again the WWF were on the phone telling him he can fuck off any idea of being a pillar of the community in WCW. He went to his original gimmick of Big Bubba Rodgers and he seemed settled. He didn’t seem keen on wearing the Blues Brothers shit in 1996, so he changed the character up a bit. He became a biker type character, complete with a leather hat, sunglasses, big gay studded choker, barber sheers (?) and he joined up with the Dungeon of Doom. To prove he was always up for a laugh, he shaved off Earthquakes hair and beard and the pair had a It’ll Be Funny Watching Two Fat Blokes Climb A Pole Match. Earthquake won. Big Bubba then joined the nWo in late 96. He had a match with Hugh Morris on the dreadful nWo Souled Out PPV, which was notable for the finish. Tired of the Boss Man Slam, Bubba got on a motorbike and just ran him over. And pinned him. Inventive stuff. Rogers went down with an injury and returned as RAY TRAYLOR!~ He formed the best ever short lived stable with Rick and Scott Steiner, to battle the nWo b-squad. Although Hogan actually came out one Nitro and the two had a stare down. Hogan lifted the belt and said “you want this?” Everyone who still believed in Traylor thought “ideal scenario: Hogan beats Sting at Starrcade and they build up Traylor vs Hogan for Starrcade 98”. Never happened though. Poor Ray got the chop.

He still had some friends up North. One an episode of Monday Night Raw, Vince McMahon’s head of security was revealed. Throughout the night a big man with a night stick and a ski-mask was standing by Vince’s side. This was when the WWF never brought old blokes back, so even the night stick wasn’t a hint. All my sources (Sky Text and the WWF Hotline) didn’t hint at any Boss Man related news either. No chance were they bringing back the Boss Man. When he twatted Austin and took his mask off, our whole house and everyone at school the following Monday went “ITS THE FUCKING BOSS MAN”. It was a great moment in time. I saw the Boss Man main event a show at the Telewest Arena in 1999 during this heel run. They were hanging from the rafters to see the Boss Man’s return to the UK after a 7 year wait. His run was more than memorable. He beat Mick Foley for the Hardcore title, he had a match with the Undertaker at WrestleMania, he was constantly a thorn in Steve Austin’s side and he was forever linked with Vince McMahon, whether it was with the Corporation, the Corporate Ministry or the McMahon Helmsley Faction. They just wanted Boss Man in a high profile angle. Case in point, we all remember his matches with Al Snow. Poor Al was having a spot of bother with the Boss Man at the time, so Boss Man kidnapped his dog, and as a peace offering invited him for a slap up meal. The catch was, the Dog was the meal. “Try not to get one of them paws stuck in your teeth.” Al even had a funeral for it, but Boss Man showed up and pissed on his grave

Boss Man’s final highlight came when he feuded with the Big Show. “MAAH DADDY!! Like I’m supposed to feel sorry for that big piece of trash”. When Big Show’s Dad died of cancer, you’d be forgiven if you mistook the Boss Man for showing any sympathy. But instead, he turned the taste down a bit. He smashed up the watch Big Daddy left for his son, he wrote a lovely poem (“he lived a full life on his own terms. Soon he’ll be buried and eaten by worms”), but the one thing everyone remembers is Boss Man invading the funeral wearing his old leather jacket from the early 90s. Boss Man hooked that coffin up to his squad car and dragged the Big Show’s Dad around the funeral home. The match lasted about 4 minutes though. It was more about the angles than the matches anyway. Boss Man would disappear and return a few times over the next few years (usually to fight Austin). He formed a team with his old foe Mr. Perfect in 2002, which was a nice little Sunday Night Heat style act. He was released from his contract in 2002, never to return.

Boss Man holds the WWF title aloft in more proof that video games are usually better than reality.

Traylor sadly passed away on September 22, 2004 aged 41. It was a sad loss, as wrestlers and fans from the mid-80s to 2000s mourned the passing of one of wrestling’s true good guys. His memory lives on in WWE’s annual video games and action figure releases.

-Ian

For more Boss Man based info go to https://www.facebook.com/pages/Big-Bossman-Fan-Club/217600258266847?ref=ts&fref=ts